I don't even know where to begin. Seeing as this is my first entry ever on my new LiveJournal, I guess I'll just start by summing up this past year.
First of all, my mom got married. Second time. Do I like him? Not really. Previously she dated our neighbor for a total of four years, off and on. Although he wasn't perfect, of course I expected that someday she'd marry him. But no, that ended, making way for the man that my mom met on my brother's school field trip. He was also on the trip with his son, who is a few months younger than my brother. Six months later, they were married. Courthouse style.
Call me pessimistic, but I do have reasons for not particularly favoring my step-dad. For one thing, he eats meat. No offense at all to those of you who eat meat. Picture this: a family of three - mother, daughter, and son. Since the daughter and son are both vegetarians, the mother rarely eats meat. Healthy lifestyle food-wise. When they got married, he brought with him his son, brought up solely on his grandmother's country style cooking. The meat flowed in from there, along with a multitude of junk foods.
These days, everything in my house is jumbo-sized. On top of the fridge is the largest plastic container of cheese puff balls I have ever seen in my entire life. Meat for dinner? Every night. I on the other hand grab something that can be microwaved or boiled within ten minutes to satisfy my small appetite. When someone goes a long time without eating meat, the smell of it cooking can lead to rather.. nauseous feelings. Especially fish.
Another thing is that he doesn't talk. Not that I really want him to talk to me all that much, but when we go places as a family or my friends come over and he says absolutely nothing to anyone, it gets strange. I am completely opposite: I love to treat people with respect and a bright smile, even if I don't feel like it. It became a habit when trying to convince people at the animal shelter to adopt this or that cat/dog.
One of my best friends came over to my house last night before we headed off to the mall. Since we (unfortunately) don't have our after-9's yet, her mother waved to my step-dad while pulling out of my driveway after dropping her off.. he didn't wave back. There are also other issues that, while I'd love to vent, should probably be left unsaid, even if those of you reading will never know who in the world I'm talking about.
The second major issue in our family was the death of my only uncle. It fully and thoroughly shattered us all with an impact I never imagined could exist. Almost seven months later the glass shards are still being picked up and carefully glued back into place. But there will always be empty spaces where glass was lost forever. Things have drastically changed for our family since then, especially my grandparents.
The loss of a son. I heard somewhere that no parent wants to see their children die before them.. that it's one of the worst things you can possibly experience. I agree. Ever since my uncle died my presence has been a constant need for them. The other day they wouldn't let me walk my dog because it was windy. My grandpa gave me a thirty minute lecture on how to drive when the roads have puddles near them; my grandma worries when I stay up late.
Some conversations seem strained, as if it's hard to talk since my uncle is gone. Thanksgiving was really hard for me; I'm not sure how my other family members took it. All I could think about was how he should have been there with us, eating dinner and making some crazy joke that would make us all choke. All of this would be so much easier to deal with if it wasn't for the nightmares. Nightmare after nightmare. A few weeks after my uncle died, I started having nightmares as much as I eat chocolate. Which is a lot.
Just so you guys know, my life isn't too bad. I'm really lucky to have the people that I do in my family as well as my friends. I just over-think absolutely everything way too much. I'm much more sensitive than most people, which I believe is one contributing factor to my love for animals. I know that no matter what happens things will work out in the end, even if it seems hopeless.
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